Comforting Message: A Prayer from the NICU

Tara, a former NICU parent contacted me after reading the NICU Parent Support Blog and asked if I would be interested in sharing the prayer poem that she wrote about the N.I.C.U.

She wrote the poem for a friend when her friend's child was in the NICU several years ago. She had already lived through her own experience of having twins in the NICU.

A Prayer from the N.I.C.U.
by Tara Roper

Dear God,
I have a request to make.
Just a moment of your time it will take.
You see, my parents, are heartbroken and sad,
and they have prayed to you with all they had.

Could you just hug them and remind them you care,
as they are wishing I was at home, not here.
This time is confusing, unlike how they pictured it would be,
But I want them to know that you take care of me.

Although I am sleeping in this little bed,
and I am often too tired to raise my little head,
please remind them that I know they did their very best.
And that at night I am protected as I sleep upon your chest.

They think I am so lonely when they are away,
and if I could tell them, I would say

I know this is hard, and God understands,
But just know He has never let go of my hand.
He is always with me, like He is with you,
and all this has a purpose too.

And God, while I am in this temporary N.I.C.U. home,
I just want them to know I have never been alone.

Source: Roper T. A Prayer for the N.I.C.U. FaithWriters.com. Reprinted with Permission.

About the Author
Tara Roper is a 34 year old mom of three in the Atlanta area. Her daughter Caroline is five years old , and her twins, Maggie and Jacob are almost three years old. She and her husband John have lived in the Atlanta area and Boston area in the last ten years. Tara has been the editor of local parenting newsletters and writes on Faithwriters.com. Tara is the Assistant Coordinator for The Women's League Inc. for Northstar Church. Tara is currently taking time off from being a special education teacher to be at home with her children.

You can contact her through Faith Writers.

More Prayers

Dyer KA. 2008. The Preemie Prayer. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Creatively Coping: Write a Prayer Poem. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Creatively Coping: Preemie Prayer Pockets. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. 2007. Preemie Prayer for Sylas Christopher, the Remaining Morrison Sextuplet & Siblings. NICU Parent Support Blog.

Image: Aparecida B. Souza. Little Angel. Royalty Free Use.

10/22 - Comforting Moment: Just Smile

Charlie Chaplin came up with a simple strategy for how to survive those most difficult of days...just smile. This is a good song to listen to on those days when everything seems to be filled with sadness as a way of believing that things will get better.

Josh Groban is one of my favorite singers. I have been fortunate to see him three times in concert, the last time with my daughters, young Josh Groban fans at ages 7 and 5.

Josh Groban's rendition of the classic song "Smile" will remind you to keep smiling. I would have had this available for me to listen to on an iPod, during our NICU days, if iPods existed then.



Smile Song Lyrics

Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons.
Music written by Charlie Chaplin, 1936.

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Even if you are feeling a bit blue, you may find yourself starting to ask yourself:

...what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

More:
Dyer KA. Smile Thought Your Heart is Aching. Squidoo.com

Image Source: Michael Bretherton. Sand Stuff. Royalty Free Use.

10/8 - Comforting Moment - We Never Lose the People We Love

Facing the loss of a baby is one of the most difficult challenges that NICU Parents can face. I have found with the many years of working in the grief, loss and bereavement field, that often times hearing or reading words of wisdom from someone else can help to console during a time of great loss.

One of my favorite quotes to help put a death in perspective comes from Dr. Leo Buscaglia:

I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make.

Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.

Leo Buscaglia

While words cannot take away the intense pain and sorrow you are feeling, these words that others have found to be helpful during their times of loss may help to ease the pain, by helping you "find comfort in knowing that your lives have been enriched" and that you have been forever imprinted by knowing your baby.

Photo Source: Sanja Gjenero. Heart in Sand. Royalty Free Use.

8/21 - Comforting Message - Enduring the Darkness to See the Light

I seem to find these quotes about the night sky to be comforting and instilling a sense of hope that you will make it through the dark times, and that sometimes, something very unexpected emerges from facing these challenges.

I will love the light
for it shows me the way,
yet I will endure the darkness
for it shows me the stars.

Og Mandino

I recently included another quote about darkness and the stars from our Grief, Loss and Comfort Collection on the Journey of Hearts blog. See the blog entry for Tuesday, July 31, 2007 at Grief, Loss & Comfort Quote - The Stars Openings in Heaven.

More Comforting Moments and Comforting Messages

• To view all of the Comforting Moments
• To view all of the Comforting Messages

Photo Source: Lynne Lancaster. Night Sky 2. Royalty Free Use.

Introducing the NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast Channel

I am pleased to announce that the NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast Channel is available now for your listening.

The channel has already been described as a "useful and comforting guide" and "a very powerful creation" one that should be of significant assistance to NICU families.

I created the NICU Parent Podcast Channel as part of a course that I took this summer on Podcasting for Teaching through the @ONE's Online Courses.

About the NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast Channel
The NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast Channel is a series of audio messages of information, Support and encouragement for parents and families who have babies in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) or the Intensive Care Nursery (ICN).

This audio channel is a collection of audio messages that provide information, encouragement, support and comfort for NICU parents. Some of the recordings are longer, more informative episodes; other episodes are shorter, recorded messages of encouragement, support and comfort.

The Channel Line Up
The NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast Channel has 5 episodes so far. Each episode also has a downloadable PDF file of the transcript for the episode that you can read along with the audio message.

• Episode 1: Introduction to the NICU Parent Support Audio and Podcast Channel
• Episode 2: Dreaming New Dreams after Picking up the Pieces of Broken Dreams
• Episode 3: Searching for Answers to the Difficult Questions
• Episode 4: A Special Healing Blessing - Version 1: Tibetan Bowls, Chimes & Bells
• Episode 4: A Special Healing Blessing - Version 2: Traditional Lullaby

The plan is to get a collection of podcasts that parents can listen to one daily during the early days of the NICU for information, encouragement and support.

Subscribing to the NICU Parent Support Audio or Podcast
You can subscribe to the NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast Channel in one of three ways:

On iTunes: You can subscribe to the NICU Parent Audio & Podcast on iTunes by clicking on the iTunes icon to the left, on this link, or on the iTunes icon in the Blog sidebar.


As a RSS Feed: You can also subscribe to the feed for the NICU Parent Audio & Podcast Channel by clicking on the Feed icon to the left or on this link or the Channel's RSS Feed in our Blog sidebar.

As a WebPage with Links: You can directly pick which audio message and/or pdf files you want to listed to by visiting the webpage for the NICU Parent Support Audio & Podcast channel that lists out all of the available episodes.


For More Information or to read reviews visit the NICU Parent Support Site Audiocast page.

8/13 - Comforting Message - Hope Makes the Present Moment Less Difficult

A simple message today from Thich Nhat Hanh:

Hope is important because
it can make the present moment
less difficult to bear.
If we believe
that tomorrow will be better,
We can bear a hardship today.

Thich Nhat Hanh

It is my hope that by providing you with information, resources and support on the NICU Parent Support site that you will find some hope, so that the present moment, the present situation you may be experiencing with your NICU baby will be easier to bear.

May you come to believe your tomorrow be better than today.

Other Resources on "Hope"
Dyer K. Asking Why and Finding Hope. June 17, 2007. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. Pitter Patter: A Message of Hope from a Former Preemie. June 9, 2007. NICU Parent Support Blog.

Photo Source: Alexander Abolinsh. ONE... TWO... FREEDOM!!! Royalty Free Use.

8/6 - Comforting Message - Overcoming the Pain and Suffering

Today's comforting quote comes from Helen Keller, a woman who was both deaf and blind, but overcame these obstacles to become a college graduate, author, lecturer and activist.

Although the world is full of suffering,

it is also full of the overcoming of it.

Helen Keller

When you are right in the midst of suffering and feeling intense pain, it may be difficult to believe that you will ever get beyond the suffering. For NICU Parents these moments can be overwhelming, disheartening and heart-breaking.

Seeing the Other Side
One way of helping to get through the suffering phase is to find someone who has made it through and seen the other side of the suffering and talk to them, to get a glimpse of the future.

Other NICU parents, the NICU nurses and Physicians who have been there and seen positive outcomes from the NICU can help provide valuable perspective whether it is a baby being eventually discharged to home, or if it is helping a family create memories and spend the last precious moments with their dying baby.

If you NICU is lucky enough to have a NICU Parent Pathfinder or someone designated to help get NICU parents oriented, be sure to use their resources.

Photo Source: Robbie Ribeiro. Nature's Force. Royalty Free Use.

7/23 - Comforting Message - Struggling for Your Dreams

But there is suffering in life, and there are defeats.

No one can avoid them.

But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams,

Than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.

Paulo Coelho

NICU Struggles
I think if you would talk to most NICU Parents many would use the words "struggle," "battle," and "challenge" to describe their time in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.

I know what I was battling for shortly after my daughter arrived in the NICU. I was fighting to keep my daughter strong enough, in whatever ways I could imagine, and struggling to have her stay on this side and not cross over (not to die).

Dreaming New Dreams
NICU parents have to quickly adjust to the fact that their dream of taking home a healthy happy newborn shortly after delivery is not going to happen.

MOD Family Support Specialist, Melissa offers these words of wisdom:

This was not what you were expecting.
You had dreams of this precious child being born and going home. Storybook fantasies of being a mom...filled your dreams at night.
This is the way you believed things would be...
Not spending your baby's first days in an intensive care unit.

Sometimes we have to sit back and accept that we are working towards a new normal. Our normal.

Melissa
Share Your Story

Sometimes we have to step back, let go of the old dreams and begin dreaming new ones.

The dreams of NICU Parents are often postponed and changed. Dreams of going home with a precious baby...change to ones of having a healthy, happy, peaceful baby at home...at some point.

Source:
Melissa. Baby in the NICU. Share Your Story. May 2, 2007.

Photo Source: Dick Herrmann. Sleeping Baby. Use with Permission. www.lakepeople.de

7/16 - Comforting Moment - Death does not end the Relationship

The recent thoughts regarding death and bereavement have shifted. In the past death was viewed as something one needs to "let go of" and "get over" in order to move on with life.

More recently, experts have come to realize as in the quote below, that death may end a life, but it does not end the relationship.

Death ends a life, not a relationship. One of the real challenges at this time of bereavement is to create a new relationship with your loved one without a physical presence.

You face the task of creating that new relationship, one of heart, mind and spirit.
Incorporating your loved one’s values and passions into your own life and passing them on to others will create a living memorial that will keep alive the essence of your loved one and bring you comfort.

Playwright Robert Anderson
Tuesdays with Morrie

Many people find ways, often creative, to keep the memory of a loved one alive as a source of comfort. This article that I published several years ago includes some of the many ways of coping:

• Creatively Expressing Grief - from the Journey of Hearts Site
  
• Ways of Coping: Creatively Expressing Grief at Support 4 Change
  
• Ways of Coping: Creatively Expressing Grief at the Learning Place Online

Other Quotes:
Living on in the Hearts

All that you deeply love

Source:
Bereavement Guide. 2006. Pathways Hospice Foundation. Available at:
http://www.pathwayshealth.org/documents/Pathways_Bereavement_Guide.pdf

7/9 - Comforting Message - Coffee helps in any Crisis

One of the first things we did after my daughter was transferred to the level IV NICU and was safely settled in was to go off to walk across the street from the hospital and get a cup of coffee.

Actually, this seems to be
the basic need of the human heart
in nearly every great crisis
- a good hot cup of coffee.

Alexander King

While Coffee may not help to solve the crisis, stopping for a coffee break gives you a few moments to pause and reflect upon the crisis.

In our case, getting a cup of hot coffee gave us a chance to get out of the overwhelming new foreign environment of the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care) and do something familiar--drinking a cup of coffee. Doing something simple, something we did every day helped to restore a sense of being normal, if only for a few moments.

After the coffee break we'd taken enough of a break to gain some composure and were ready to go back to resuming getting oriented the NICU.

Photo Source: Ali Oztürk. Coffee Cup. Royalty Free Use.

7/2 - Comforting Message - From a NICU Nurse - You're in the Best Hands

Today's comforting words come from an article written by Chris Colin, for the San Francisco Chronicle, a profile on the life of several ICN nurses from UCSF's ICN (Intensive Care Nursery).

In the article, Joni McGovern, a 12-year NICU Nurse at UCSF's Intensive Care Unit offered some words of encouragement for NICU or ICN parents.

Having a baby in the ICN can definitely be a nightmare. This was not in the parents' birth plan.
But once you're here, you're in the best hands.

Source:
Colin C. ON THE JOB: Saving babies: It's not a TV show but these nurses' jobs actually are life-or-death. SF Gate. July 2, 2007. Available at: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/07/02/onthejob.DTL

Photo Source: Mario Alberto Magallanes Trejo. Contact. Royalty Free Use.