- Hope ... is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.
- Václav Havel (1936 - )
For Parents having their newborn admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care can leave them struggling to make sense of it all, wondering "Why?" and "What did I do to make this happen?" and to try and find some hope in what may appear to be a hopeless situation.
When coping with our NICU adventure, my husband and I purposefully did not spent much time dwelling on the "Why?" especially when it became apparent that there would be no definitive medical answer. Instead we chose to focus on "How do we go on living as meaningful a life as possible, now that our life has been forever changed?"
We realized that asking "Why" may be disruptive and even counter-productive. Letting go of the "Why’s" can be extremely beneficial to the integrating the loss into our lives and restoring peace after a crisis.
Over time NICU parents adjust to the disruption of their initial dreams for their child. Many discover an internal core of strength as they make sense of or find personal meaning in the loss.
It has taken many years to get to the point where we can now see the hope that we had at the time, that she would be "healthy and strong" and things would turn out alright has come into play. We can now see in hindsight how our lives have shifted and things now make sense after our daughter's NICU experience.
Our lives would be very different had we not gone through the experience, but even more so, had she not survived.
Here is hoping that your experience will make sense...regardless of how it turns out.