CaringBridge Connect NICU Parents with Their Families

Another helpful resource for connecting NICU Parents with their Families is CaringBridge.

CaringBridge® is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit web service that connects family and friends during a critical illness, treatment or recovery.

Like CarePages, CaringBridge is another way of helping NICU parents stay connected with family and friends by creating a free, personalized web page.

What is a CaringBridge Web Page?

A CaringBridge web page is an easy way to keep loved ones informed during difficult times. Each CaringBridge website includes:

• Patient care journal to update family and friends
• Guestbook for messages
• Photo gallery
• Free online support for using the service

Some of the benefits of CaringBridge over other connecting web pages is that CaringBridge pages are offered in both English and Spanish. In addition they do not have banner ads or pop–ups.

You can read More about CaringBridge at the article on Type-A Mom.

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A related article is on the Type-A Mom site under the NICU section of Mom Stages.


More:

Dyer K. 2009. Becoming an Empowered NICU Parent. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. 2008. NICU Parent Support CarePages. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. 2008. Creating a Circle of Healing and Support. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. 2007. CarePages - Connect, Share, Care NICU Parent Support Blog.

Zorbitz Lucky Karma Beads and Charms Help Focus Intentions

I know that if the Zorbits Lucky Lucky Karma Bracelets Karma Bracelets and Feng Shui Luck Charms were available when my youngest was in the NICU, we would have used them as another way to focus our energy and our intentions on her healing.

Like the Water Blessing Labels, the Zorbitz products provide positive affirmations and inspirational messages to help you focus your intentions. With NICU Parents trying to focus on love, health and miracles, wearing or hanging one of these products can work as a reminder of your intentions.

Even if you don't believe that there is any inherent power in the beads or the gemstones, what can change is yourself. The bracelet and luck charm can serve as a reminder to focus your thoughts and energy on positive words and intentions like health, love, miracles and strength.

Lucky Karma Bracelets

These are the bracelets that would have the best intentions for NICU parents.

• Unexpected Miracles - Karmalogy Beads
  
• Love/Friendship - Karmalogy Beads
  
• Health/Inner Strength - Karmalogy Beads
  

I own many of the Lucky Karma Bracelets and have given many of these lucky bracelets to friends and family.

Feng Shui Luck Charms

These are the luck charms that would have the best intentions for NICU parents.

• Unexpected Miracles - Feng Shui Luck Charms
  
• Peaceful Life - Feng Shui Luck Charms
  
• Love - Feng Shui Luck Charms
• Good Health - Feng Shui Luck Charms

I also own several of the Lucky Charms and have two hanging in the car and around the house. After hanging up an Unexpected Miracles Luck Charm in the car, I was able to solve the problem that I'd been having with my computer. The miracle was that I did not have to get an entirely new computer.

More about Zorbitz
The company products bring earth's gems and woods to give people the earth's healing qualities needed in your everyday life. They believe that everyone needs Zorbitz whether it's for love, health, wealth, or even an unexpected miracle.

Zorbitz is 100% women owned and determined to make a difference and the company believes in giving back. Zorbitz has contributed over $60,000 to charities around the world.

Dyer KA. Zorbitz - Lucky Karma Beads - Feng Shui Luck Charms. Squidoo.com

Spirit of Water - Love is in the NICU

I am honored that a blog post from a couple of years ago was featured in the February Newsletter from The Spirit of Water. You can read what was included in their newsletter below. The details are a bit muddled, but the sentiment is still real.

Love is in the NICU

An extraordinary expression of love arrived in my email this past month. It was from a doctor who writes a support blog for NICU parents (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). She shared a link to her blog where she has written about water blessing labels and how she used them for her own premature infant and now recommends them to other terrified parents - those who wait and hope their precious infants will survive. Her blog brought tears to my eyes.

But it also opened my heart to a new way of offering love to those who face such challenges. Though her blog [post] was written a few years ago, it is still pertinent today. Read it and weep with love!

The post, Water Blessing Lables Turn Water (or Medicine) into Liquid Prayers was written in June 2007, soon after I discovered the site.

Gifting Water Blessing Labels
I have since gone on to send these labels to friends who are going through tough times, colleagues who are trying to lose weight and as a supportive gift for an athlete facing a cancer diagnosis

They have a variety of themes including: Personal Growth, Prosperity, Healing Medicine, Sacred Feminine, Feng Shui, Sacred Symbols, Law of Attraction and Love & Gratitude. Some of the labels lend themselves better to being used in the NICU, other to being used in different situations.

You can order Water Blessing Labels for yourself from the Spirit of Water Website.

More Resources:
The Spirit of Water Website.
Dyer KA. 2008. Water Blessing Labels. Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. 2007. Water Blessing Lables Turn Water (or Medicine) into Liquid Prayers.

Becoming an Empowered NICU Parent

One of the greatest difficulties for me as a NICU parent, who was also used to being a physician, was the overwhelming feeling that there wasn't anything I could do for my daughter.

I had to step back and turn over all of the care to those who understood the NICU technology and could help her medically to heal.

I described these feelings in an article that I wrote on "Observing Mother's Day with Renewed Appreciation," the first Mother's Day after my youngest was born.

In this situation I had to turn over complete control of her case to the neonatology team and consequently experienced feelings of complete helplessness.

The inability to do anything, to contribute to my daughter’s care medically as a physician or emotionally to hold her hand and pacify her as a mother was indescribably frustrating.

How was I supposed to "turn off" my years of training as a physician—being in the hospital, caring for patients and providing them comfort during a tormenting time?

It was impossible.

Becoming an NICU Empowered Parent
It didn't take long, perhaps only a few hours and I decided to change my feeling of helplessness and frustration and begin taking a more active role in her care. I looked for things we could do and ways we could to contribute to her care.

Three things that we did, which were recommended by other NICU parents as helpful ways of coping with the NICU:

1. Ask questions about your newborn.
2. Get involved with caring for your newborn.
3. Familiarize yourself with how the NICU works.

We created a Circle of Healing to have friends and family hold her in their hearts and minds and souls...so she could do better.

We brought in Music for her to listen to and if they had been available, I would have brought in Water Blessing Labels as a way to feel that we were doing something.

Ultimately, I created the Violet Heart Pin as something that I would have liked to have had to wear while she was in the NICU. I also wrote the Free NICU eBook For Those Who Hold the Littlest Hands as the resource we would have liked to have received when we were NICU Parents.

I think that's going a long way from feeling helpless and dependent on others to care for my daughter to becoming an Empowered NICU Parent.

Image Source. Benjamin Earwicker. All Hooked Up. Royalty Free Use.

Ways of Interacting with Your NICU Newborn

NICU Parents often feel more like visitors than the parents of their NICU newborn. They may even resent the NICU Team caring for their baby.

One way to help NICU Parents feel more like Parents is to find ways that they can interact with their new baby.

Empowering parents to "do something" that can uniquely contribute to the care of their baby can be very helpful in overcoming the feelings of frustration and helplessness.

Ways to Interact with Your NICU Newborn
There are many special loving ways for NICU Parents to interact with your baby and let him or her know you are there and you care.

Here some suggestions taken from the Free NICU eBook For Those Who Hold the Littlest Hands:

• Gently stroke or caress your baby. See how your baby responds. Be aware that some NICU babies do not like too much handling. You may just want to touch him or her.
• Lovingly hold your baby's foot or hand.
• Talk, read or sing quietly to your baby.
• Supply your baby with breast milk if possible.
• Write down your hopes as a poem or a blessing. Share your writings with your baby.
• Decorate your baby's incubator with washable toys, family pictures, cards, email messages & other special mementos. Make it a home away from home.
• Encourage your NICU baby to open his or her eyes by shielding your baby's face from the bright lights. This lets your baby look at you and around his or her environment.
• Kangaroo care (skin-to-skin) contact has been shown to help NICU babies thrive. Learn about this beneficial treatment. Check with the hospital’s use of Kangaroo care.
• Once your baby is doing better and his or her condition has stabilized, learn how to hold and rock your baby out of the isolette.

Parents Play a Special Role
NICU Parents need to realize that their role as parents is a special and irreplaceable one. Your voice, their touch and their presence are unique, familiar and reassuring for your baby.

These special parent features will bring comfort to the NICU baby and let him or her feel loved.

More:
Dyer K. 2005. Identifying, Understanding and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU, Part II: Strategies. Neonatal Network. 24 (4): 27 – 39.

Image Source: Jason Kastanje. Baby's Hand. Royalty Free Use.

NICU Parents Checklist - From Those who have Been There and Done That

The NICU Parents List here has been adapted from the Austprem - NICU Checklist and from suggestions that I included in Part 2 of the article that I wrote on "Identifying, Understanding, and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU."

This checklist includes suggestions for coping with some of the basics, caring for your NICU baby as well as special tips for the family...things you might want to consider while your baby is in the NICU.

The Basics - Parking, Meals and Accommodations

Parking - Check about subsidized parking. Most hospitals offer some sort of parking discount for the families of long term patients. Ask.



Meals - See if meals can be provided for you, or if you can get meal vouchers for the cafeteria.

Accommodations - Find out if there are accommodations available within the hospital or nearby for when your baby is having a difficult time and you want to be closer.


More Accommodations - If you live a long distance away from the hospital, the hospital staff should be able to help you find accommodation nearby.

Caring for Your NICU Baby/Babies

Understand the Equipment and Charts - Have the nurses explain the equipment, their settings and the medical charts and how to read them. You'll know exactly what your baby did and what tests were done without having to ask.

Learn about the NICU - Learn about the routines, hand-washing and gowning procedures, visiting hours, nursing shift changes and when the doctors do their patient rounds.

Ask Questions if You Don't Understand - Ask the NICU staff to explain anything you don't understand. Ask again if you don't understand the first time, or get enough information. It can be hard to take all of it in at once.

Caring for Your Baby - Get involved in caring for your infant as soon and as much as possible. Ask what can be easily done by parents rather than have the nursing staff do it.

Learn how to...do things for your baby. Change a diaper, give a proper NICU bath, wipe the eyes or mouth and gently rubbing oil into dry skin.

Ask when you can hold and cuddle your baby - Realize that if the nurse says no because your baby is not well enough just then, that is okay. Check again later or the next day. Ask when might be better.

Check about Training Sessions - Some hospitals offer training sessions to officially teach parents how to do tube feeds so you can then help do the feeds even if you aren't breastfeeding.

Ask for foot and hand prints if possible. Babies grow so quickly that you won't remember how small they were to start.

Check when and what clothing is appropriate. The clothes will need to be easy to get on and off if your baby is still on oxygen or has other medical needs. Some hospitals won't allow clothing until your baby is a certain stage.

Bring in clothes for your baby to wear. Make sure the clothes have been washed and are marked. Provide a few spares in case your baby needs to be changed.

If you bring in clothes for your baby to wear...make sure there is a bag for the dirty ones for you to take home and wash. If they end up in the hospital wash, you may never see them again.

Make (or have someone else make) clothes for your baby. A great way to get relatives who can sew involved. Have them make something appropriate and the right size for your baby to wear.

Special Tips for the Family

Visitors - Find out how many visitors your baby may have at once, and if there are restrictions on who. If you have other children, check when they may visit and if there are any restrictions.

Get dad involved on his terms - Some dad's can't cope with full term babies, let alone NICU babies. Other dad's might feel left out or pushed away if they don't get to help.

Getting Extra Support

Try to get to know some of the other NICU parents - Talking with other who also have their baby in the NICU and are experiencing many of the same things may be helpful.

Ask to see a social worker or clergy if you feel the need - These services are usually available even though they may not be directly offered to you.

See if the hospital offers a support group - You might see them once or twice or weekly while your babies are in hospital.

Find out what additional resources the hospital has for parents
You might need them when you are in the hospital and also once you go home you.

Find out if there are any talks for parents (or grandparents). Read noticeboards regularly. Check in the Waiting Room area or wherever information is posted for families.

About Austpreterm
Austprem is an incorporated, non-profit organization in Australia. Those involved have all experienced, or been closely involved with the experience of prematurity. They aim to support in any way they can parents and caregivers of other premature infants and children. Their formal purpose, aims and objectives can be seen below.

Sources:
Dyer K. 2005. Identifying, Understanding and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU, Part 2. Neonatal Network. 24 (4): 27 – 39.
Austprem. NICU Checklist. Products, Resources and Links.

Image: Modified from Dominik Gwarek. Feedback Form. Royalty Free Use.

How to Respond to a NICU Parent when the Situation Looks Grim

One situation that everyone hopes no NICU parent needs to face is the death of their NICU baby. Unfortunately each year 1,000's of NICU Parents must face the difficult realization that their NICU baby will not be discharged to home; their because their NICU baby is dying.

Every year nearly 30,000 infants die in the United States, many of them are in the Neonatal Intensive Care units (NICU) and Intensive Care Nurseries (ICN).
When a NICU baby dies it is difficult for the family and also for the NICU Team. Knowing what to say to NICU parents when the situation looks grim is helpful for NICU providers, other family members and friends.

Expressing Wishes and Providing Support in Response to Futility
Dr. Timothy Quill and Colleagues looked at the issues of wishes in response to loss and unrealistic hopes as part of the article "I Wish Things Were Different": Expressing Wishes in Response to Loss, Futility, and Unrealistic Hopes.

They reiterated the fact that "physicians who care for patients encounter many powerful and painful emotions, including anger, sadness, fear, grief, loss, hopelessness, and blame." Furthermore they pointed out that situations evoking loss, guilt, or hopelessness are particularly hard for physicians to respond to with empathy.

Quill and colleagues pointed out that "offering wishes instead of apologies is a way to convey empathy for the parent coping with the loss. expressing wishes has the power and potential to humanize the medical encounter in some of its most challenging moments."

Offering wishes is particularly helpful "when the emotion is unrealistic hope, loss, futility, or grief that seems overwhelming or otherwise very difficult to address." These are the situations when physicians should consider joining with the patient and family in the expression of a wish that their circumstances were different.

Some of the phrases suggested (or variants) that may be helpful for physicians, NICU providers, family and friends to use and express wishes include:

• I wish things had turned out better for you.
• I wish the news had been different.
• This has been a terrible loss for you. I wish it hadn't turned out this way.
• This is so hard for you. Just when our hopes were so high, for this to happen. I wish it had been otherwise.
• I will work with you to find a way through this.

What Helped You?

Most NICU parents can remember the awful things that people say to them. These leave indelible etchings in our memories.

I would like to encourage visitors to comment on the things people said or the phrases have helped you during your time of loss.

Note: This is a modified version of the article Tips on Offering Comfort to a Grieving NICU Parent published on the Type-A Mom Site in February 2008.

More:
Quill TE. Arnold RM. Platt F. "I Wish Things Were Different": Expressing Wishes in Response to Loss, Futility, and Unrealistic Hopes. Ann Intern Med, Oct 2001; 135: 551 - 555.
Dyer K. Coping Strategies Used by Parents to Deal with their Child's Death. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. Factors Important to Parents at the End of their Infant's Life. NICU Parent Support Blog.

Encouraging Message: Standing at Times of Challenge

In honor of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Birthday and the upcoming National Day of Service, today's inspiring quote comes from one of his inspiring sermons.

These words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. can serve as an encouraging message for NICU Parents:

The ultimate measure of
a man (or woman)
is not where
he (or she) stands
in moments of comfort,
but where
he (or she) stands
at times
of challenge and controversy.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

NICU Parents find themselves facing times of challenge, a true test of their measure. Many of us discover internal strengths that they many never have even known they possessed.

It is this new-found strength that sustains us through the NICU challenge and allows us to hang on, when things seem impossible.

Image: Vivek Chugu. Attached 2. Royalty Free Use.

From the Heart of a Parent - Bereavement Photography for Grieving NICU Parents

A very special group of volunteer photographers help provide a priceless gift to grieving NICU parents, that of documenting their baby's brief life through something called Bereavement Photography.

In this video clip bereaved parents share their experiences with infant loss and with benefiting from the donated services of the NILMDTS (Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep) remembrance photographers.




About Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation
The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation (NILMDTS) administers a network of almost 7,000 volunteer photographers in the United States and twenty-five countries. At a family's request, a NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer will come to your hospital or hospice location and conduct a sensitive and private portrait session.

The portraits are then professionally retouched and presented to the families on an archival DVD or CD that can be used to print portraits of their cherished baby.

More:
Dyer K. 2008. Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (Bereavement Photography) on NBC's Today Show. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. 2007-8. Bereavement Photography. Squidoo.com

The Violet Heart Collection - A Way to Acknowledge Your Heart is Crying

Violets emerge after the long dark winter to announce the beginning of spring;
these unassuming flowers represent rebirth, renewal and hope.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS

What is the Violet Heart™?
The Violet Heart™ image "grew" emerging like flowers in the spring after a long winter...out of my professional experiences with grief and loss and my personal unexpected NICU experience with my youngest daughter who was hospitalized soon after her birth in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with a life-threatening condition.

I'd wanted something to wear when my daughter was in the NICU, an indicator that I was holding her in my thoughts and grieving the loss of not having her home with me. The Violet Heart Pins and other gift items grew out of that desire to express my love for my daughter.

The Violet Heart™ design combines the courage of the Purple Heart, the tears shed by a sorrowful spirit, the healing nature of the color violet with the hope of spring violets to represent courage, healing & hope. It is a simple way of revealing behind the smile, inside a heart that is crying.

What is the Violet Heart Collection™?
The Violet Heart Collection features pins, items and gifts designed for people facing a life changing event and to recognize that someone is experiencing a challenge or transition.

Violet Heart Pins
The Violet Heart cloisonné pin can be given to express heartfelt sympathies during challenging times, to acknowledge the courage of those facing a significant life challenge or to recognize a current or past challenge.

Both versions of the Violet Heart Pin have the quote describing the Violet Heart:

A simple way of revealing behind the smile,
inside a heart is crying.

Several other cloisonné pin are available. These pins measure between 5/8 and 7/8 of an inch and come attractively displayed on a 2 x 3 1/2 inch card and are available through PayPal for $5.99 plus 2.50 Shipping and Handling.

Find out more about the Violet Heart Collection at the Violet Heart website. To order see the Squidoo pages created for the Violet Heart Collection:

• The Violet Heart Collection
• The Violet Heart Collection on Squidoo
• The Violet Heart Collection on CafePress

Photo Source: Louise Docker. Violets. Royalty Free Use.

Todd Hochberg - Touching Souls with Bereavement Photography

As parents move through grief they also may struggle with holding on to memories and feelings about this short time with their baby, in the extreme some may wonder if their baby ever was.

Todd Hochberg

Bereavement Photography helps to ease the grief of losing a baby by documenting the presences of that child in their lives.

This video segment aired on the Chicago Tonight program on WTTW, PBS in Chicago showing how Todd Hochberg's stunning and intimate photographs help grieving families heal.



You can find out more about Bereavement Photography at the Squidoo Lens that I developed on the subject or by reading more of the posts on Bereavement Photography included on the NICU Parent Support Site.

• Creating Memories of a Dying Baby For Parents Through Photography
• Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (Bereavement Photography) on NBC's Today Show

More:
Dyer K. 2007-8. Bereavement Photography. Squidoo.com

Comforting Moment: Take Life Moment by Moment

The more I understand grief and loss the more that I have come to realize that

On life's most difficult days
all that we can do
is simply take things
Moment by Moment.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT

Taking life moment by moment is the best we can do or hope to do during difficult times or challenging times.

Image: Sanja Gjenero Wall Clock. Royalty Free Use.

TAKE CARE During Difficult Times

Figuring out what to do when faced with life's challenges can be very difficult. I have shared some tips for coping with loss from the Journey of Hearts site with a reminder to focus on the basics after a sudden loss.

TAKE CARE has been developed as an acronym to be used as a to reminder to focus on the basics following a loss, death or significant life changing.

• Time that is needed to survive the grief.
• Avoid alcohol and other medications.
• Keep to some routine or schedule.
• Eat a balanced diet, focusing on healthy foods and water.
  

• Converse with others, especially those that have ‘been there’ and 'survived that.'
• Artistic ways of coping – journaling, building, crafting, knitting and others.
• Rest and Sleep are important coping strategies.
• Exercise to reduce stress and improve mood.

This reminder to TAKE CARE covers most of the basics to focus on following a loss that I have been recommending to people for years in coping with loss.

Image Source: Modified from Deb Walker's Postit Note. Royalty Free Use.

Encouraging Message: Advice from a NICU Physician on Coping with the NICU

Leonard E. Weisman M.D. Director of the Perinatal Center at Texas Children's Hospital offered these encouraging words about coping with the NICU experience:

It's a day-to-day kind of thing..

There are days when things go well.

There are days when things don't go well.

Leonard E. Weisman M.D.

It is my hope that you have more days when things go well than days when things don't.

Photo Source: Ayhan Yildiz. Calendar. Royalty Free Use.

An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery

With the Easter Season on us very soon, I am reminded of our Easter adventure many years ago with my youngest daughter.

I recently rediscovered Rev. Jurgen Schwing's publication of our ICN/NICU Story as an example of a Healing Blessing used at the beginning of life.

Jurgen tells of our ICN/NICU adventures from the perspective of the Chaplain on call. He is the one that was asked to wake up in the middle of the night to come into the hospital. (Ironically, Rev. Schwing would experience being a NICU parent several years later with the birth of his second child.)

You can read more of Rev. Schwing's "Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery" at the Chaplaincy Institute website.

Healing Blessing
Even though we weren't very religious, when the decision was made to transfer Kristiina to another hospital for higher level of care, we wanted her blessed before going. She was born on Good Friday and was going to be transferred on Easter Morning. We were hoping her name would be good karma.

Rev. Schwing came up with a beautiful blessing for Kristiina:

Little Kristiina,

I bless you and ask that God may heal you.

May the One who formed you in your mother's womb blow divine breath through your lungs so that you can breathe the breath of life.

May your heart beat and your blood circulate and bring you Divine love and light, may you know that you are loved and wanted, and may you find deep inside of you a call to survive, to live, to thrive.

May the God who formed you in the depths of the earth give you many days & years of life.

May you grow up and become all you were meant to be.

I bless this woman and this man, your parents, Kirsti and Cole.

May God's hand be on your shoulders and relieve your fears.

May the One whose knowledge is so vast be the light on your journey.

May you be given the love and strength to bring your daughter through this difficult time,

and may you watch her grow up, proud and filled with knowing what a miracle she is.

More on our Easter NICU Experience later next week...

More:
Schwing J. Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery. Chaplaincy Institute website.
Dyer KA. Observing Mother’s Day with Renewed Appreciation. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer KA. Observing Mother's Day with Renewed Appreciation. MomMd.com

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (Bereavement Photography) on NBC's Today Show

The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation is there for parents and families to help aid them in their Healing, bring Hope to their future, and Honor to their child.

It is through Remembrance that a family can truly begin to heal.

NILMDTS Foundation

In March 2008, the Today Show featured an episode on Bereavement Photography, photographing the end of a newborn's or child's life.

Learn more about these very special photographers who are able to bring comfort to parents at the end of a child's life by taking permanent reminders of a life.

About Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation
The Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep Foundation (NILMDTS) administers a network of almost 7,000 volunteer photographers in the United States and twenty-five countries. At a family's request, a NILMDTS Affiliated Photographer will come to your hospital or hospice location and conduct a sensitive and private portrait session.

The portraits are then professionally retouched and presented to the families on an archival DVD or CD that can be used to print portraits of their cherished baby.

You can find out more about Bereavement Photography at the Squidoo Lens that I developed on the subject.

More:
Dyer K. 2007-8. Bereavement Photography. Squidoo.com

Creating Memories of a Dying Baby For Parents Through Photography

The images serve as touchstones for feelings and memories pertaining to deep significant relationships and spiritual connections some of which may flourish in the intimacy of the last days or months of life.

Todd Hochberg

Bereavement Photography
To those unfamiliar with the topic, Bereavement Photography may seem a bit unusual to say the least.

For the parents who have been the recipients of the photographic memories captured by volunteer photographers, bereavement photography is a priceless gift, documenting the often all to brief life of their baby.

The Healing Benefits of Bereavement Photography
There is a strong healing aspect to bereavement photograph. Todd Hochberg of Touching Souls shares how photographs help parents with their grieving process in an article originally published in Share.

Photographs help NICU parents by:

1. Making their baby's life and death real for the parents. Making the life real is a significant issue with brief perinatal lives.
2. Validating the parents feelings, both at the time of their baby's death and up to the present.
3. Being an affirmation of parenthood, a reminder that there was a child that they were a parent to.
4. Providing a tangible record of their time with their baby. The photographs often include cherished close up details of their baby's physical features and evidence of loving familial bonds.
5. Allowing them to connect with the many feelings and memories that may have gotten lost in the torrent of overwhelming grief at the time or in the weeks since.

Todd feels that offering parents an illustrated narrative of "their story" for themselves and the loved ones they choose to share it with, helps to fostering greater social support and connection, which also aids in the grieving process.

Photographers Offering Bereavement Photography Services

Touching Souls - Healing with Bereavement Photography
Photographer Todd Hochberg of Touching Souls has supported parents experiencing perinatal loss, as they say goodbye to their babies, since 1997. The photographs of babies with their grieving parents are available as valuable emotional mementos for families in Chicago.

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (NILMDTS)
Now I lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS) is a non-profit organization devoted to offering gentle and beautiful photography and videography services. Their services are available to all parents experiencing the death of a baby. There are no fees for creating these photographic memories.

I Say My Prayers

I Say My Prayers involves taking pictures of terminally ill children, individually and/or with their families. The child may be a newborn who will never leave the hospital or it may be a teenager. I will capture the "spirit" and the "life" of the child for the families to hold on to forever. The sitting and the pictures are donated by me to the families.

---

Bereavement Photography helps to ease the parents grief by creating memories that will last a lifetime for these grieving parents. The photographs help them to hold on to memories and document the life of their baby.

Resources:
Dyer K. 2007-8. Bereavement Photography. Squidoo.com
Hochberg T. In Your Eyes; The Caregiver and Bereavement Photography. Share. 2003.

Image: Nic Luc. Old Photo Lens. Royalty Free Use.

How to Comfort a Grieving NICU Parent

Following the hospitalization of a newborn in the NICU, Family and Friends of the NICU Parents may themselves be feeling some grief over the situation and feel helpless and unsure what they can do.

They may want nothing more than to find a way to wrap the NICU parent in a blanket to comfort them, much like Linus with his security blanket.

Even though family and friends may not feel that they know what to do, what to say or how to offer comfort, grieving parent(s) need to know that their family and friends are there to support them.

Perhaps the most important thing for friends and family to do is to let the grieving NICU parents know that you are thinking of them and are supporting them during the challenging time.

Ways to Comfort a Grieving NICU Parent

To show your support and comfort a grieving NICU parent take a look at the different suggested phrases. Choose one of the suggestions or modify a phrase so it feels more like something you would say (or write) yourself.

Suggested for Phrases to Use

Some of my personal favorites:

• I am sorry for your loss.
• I wish you didn't have to experience this.
• I am sorry that this happened to you.
  
• I am thinking of you during this difficult time. (usually written)

Some additional phrases that could also work:

• I'm so sorry.
• I wish you comfort.
• I hope things will be good.
• I wish this hadn't happened to you.

Health care providers may be at a loss to find the right words that can bring comfort to a NICU parent. The following are suggestions from a paper that I wrote which can be to use by NICU Providers when talking with a grieving person or parent.

• I'm sad for you.
• I don't know why it happened.
• What can I do for you?
• How are you doing/coping with all of this?
• How can I help?

When picking something to say use the phrase that resonates the most with you, then let the parent(s) know either verbally or in a written message that you are there for them during this challenging time.

What Brought You Comfort?

Most NICU parents can remember the awful things that people say to them. These leave indelible etchings in our memories.

I would like to encourage visitors to comment on the things people said or the phrases have helped you during your time of loss.

Note: This is a modified version of the article Tips on Offering Comfort to a Grieving NICU Parent published on the Type-A Mom Site in February 2008.

Resources:

Dyer KA. What You Can Say or Do for a NICU Parent. January 2008. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. What can I *say* when a NICU baby dies? June 2006. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. Identifying, Understanding, and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU, Part II: Strategies. Neonatal Network. June/July 2005; 24: 27-40.
<>Dyer KA. 2006. My NICU Baby's Died: Now What? on Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. 2007. How to Write a Condolence Note. on Squidoo.com

Image: Benjamin Earwicker. Cozy. Royalty Free Use.