Todd Hochberg - Touching Souls with Bereavement Photography

As parents move through grief they also may struggle with holding on to memories and feelings about this short time with their baby, in the extreme some may wonder if their baby ever was.

Todd Hochberg

Bereavement Photography helps to ease the grief of losing a baby by documenting the presences of that child in their lives.

This video segment aired on the Chicago Tonight program on WTTW, PBS in Chicago showing how Todd Hochberg's stunning and intimate photographs help grieving families heal.



You can find out more about Bereavement Photography at the Squidoo Lens that I developed on the subject or by reading more of the posts on Bereavement Photography included on the NICU Parent Support Site.

• Creating Memories of a Dying Baby For Parents Through Photography
• Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (Bereavement Photography) on NBC's Today Show

More:
Dyer K. 2007-8. Bereavement Photography. Squidoo.com

How to Comfort a Grieving NICU Parent

Following the hospitalization of a newborn in the NICU, Family and Friends of the NICU Parents may themselves be feeling some grief over the situation and feel helpless and unsure what they can do.

They may want nothing more than to find a way to wrap the NICU parent in a blanket to comfort them, much like Linus with his security blanket.

Even though family and friends may not feel that they know what to do, what to say or how to offer comfort, grieving parent(s) need to know that their family and friends are there to support them.

Perhaps the most important thing for friends and family to do is to let the grieving NICU parents know that you are thinking of them and are supporting them during the challenging time.

Ways to Comfort a Grieving NICU Parent

To show your support and comfort a grieving NICU parent take a look at the different suggested phrases. Choose one of the suggestions or modify a phrase so it feels more like something you would say (or write) yourself.

Suggested for Phrases to Use

Some of my personal favorites:

• I am sorry for your loss.
• I wish you didn't have to experience this.
• I am sorry that this happened to you.
  
• I am thinking of you during this difficult time. (usually written)

Some additional phrases that could also work:

• I'm so sorry.
• I wish you comfort.
• I hope things will be good.
• I wish this hadn't happened to you.

Health care providers may be at a loss to find the right words that can bring comfort to a NICU parent. The following are suggestions from a paper that I wrote which can be to use by NICU Providers when talking with a grieving person or parent.

• I'm sad for you.
• I don't know why it happened.
• What can I do for you?
• How are you doing/coping with all of this?
• How can I help?

When picking something to say use the phrase that resonates the most with you, then let the parent(s) know either verbally or in a written message that you are there for them during this challenging time.

What Brought You Comfort?

Most NICU parents can remember the awful things that people say to them. These leave indelible etchings in our memories.

I would like to encourage visitors to comment on the things people said or the phrases have helped you during your time of loss.

Note: This is a modified version of the article Tips on Offering Comfort to a Grieving NICU Parent published on the Type-A Mom Site in February 2008.

Resources:

Dyer KA. What You Can Say or Do for a NICU Parent. January 2008. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. What can I *say* when a NICU baby dies? June 2006. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. Identifying, Understanding, and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU, Part II: Strategies. Neonatal Network. June/July 2005; 24: 27-40.
<>Dyer KA. 2006. My NICU Baby's Died: Now What? on Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. 2007. How to Write a Condolence Note. on Squidoo.com

Image: Benjamin Earwicker. Cozy. Royalty Free Use.

Creatively Coping: Fabric Keepsake Memory Envelope

Newborns in Need, an charity organization that serves the needs of newborns and Laurie Anderson of Southern Stitches and offer another beautiful, healing idea for NICU Parents who have lost a newborn.

Fabric Memory Envelopes are keepsakes given to the grieving family after the loss of their baby.

These keepsake envelope, lovingly stitched by generous hearts gives the family something they will always have as a part of their baby.

Smaller Memory Envelopes are used with to hold all of the precious keepsakes that the mother and baby received while in the hospital.

The version used by the Columbia Chapter of Threads of Love includes a Recognition of Life Certificate where a picture of the baby can be included if desired. A special prayer is included for the family on the certificate.

With larger Memory Envelopes NICU staff can tuck inside the clothing that the baby had worn, the memory blanket the mother had held the baby in, a photograph of the baby, the birth certificate or even a lock of the baby’s hair.

A Fabric Memory Envelope is a heart-felt way to help Grieving NICU Parents cope with the loss of a child. Creative family and friends may want to craft their own special Keepsake Envelopes as a memorable gift to a bereaved NICU parent.

Note:
The Southern Stitches preemie patterns are to be used only for charity sewing for preemies, no sales are allowed. The designs and instructions themselves are copyrighted and all rights remain with Laurie Anderson/Southern Stitches.

The Newborns in Need Sewing patterns have been provided by Newborns in Need volunteers. While you may use them for charitable purposes, please respect copyright laws and do not sell these patterns or items made from these patterns. They are intended to be made and given free of charge to needy babies and their families.

Remember these designs are for charity use only. No sales are allowed.

Pattern Sources:
Anderson L. Fabric Memory Envelope. Threads of Love. Southern Stitches.
Recognition of Life Certificate. Threads of Love. Columbia, TN Chapter.
Eldridge P. Memory Envelope Version 1. Newborns in Need.
Thor R. Memory Envelope Version 2. Newborns in Need.
Vanspeybroeck A. Memory Envelope Version 3. Newborns in Need.