Comforting Moment: Grieving is a Natural Process

I really like this quote about the grieving process. It is a good way to explain to NICU Parents that grief is a normal, natural process. It is a normal response to an abnormal event.

No one would argue that having a child in the NICU is an abnormal event.

Grieving is as natural as
crying when you are hurt,
sleeping when you are tired,
eating when you are hungry,
or sneezing when your nose itches.

It’s nature’s way
of healing a broken heart.

Doug Manning

Quote Source: Don't Take My Grief Away
This helpful quote comes from Doug Manning's Book, Don't Take My Grief Away: What to Do When You Lose a Loved One available on Amazon.

Manning also reminds readers that "Grief is not an enemy; it is a friend. It is the natural process of walking through the hurt and growing through the walk."

These simple expressions help remind us that Grief is a normal response.

In this book Manning takes the reader through all the emotions and experiences that accompany the death of a loved one.

Image Source: Don Wright. Broken Hearts. Creative Commons. Some Rights Reserved.

The Violet Heart Collection - A Way to Acknowledge Your Heart is Crying

Violets emerge after the long dark winter to announce the beginning of spring;
these unassuming flowers represent rebirth, renewal and hope.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS

What is the Violet Heart™?
The Violet Heart™ image "grew" emerging like flowers in the spring after a long winter...out of my professional experiences with grief and loss and my personal unexpected NICU experience with my youngest daughter who was hospitalized soon after her birth in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with a life-threatening condition.

I'd wanted something to wear when my daughter was in the NICU, an indicator that I was holding her in my thoughts and grieving the loss of not having her home with me. The Violet Heart Pins and other gift items grew out of that desire to express my love for my daughter.

The Violet Heart™ design combines the courage of the Purple Heart, the tears shed by a sorrowful spirit, the healing nature of the color violet with the hope of spring violets to represent courage, healing & hope. It is a simple way of revealing behind the smile, inside a heart that is crying.

What is the Violet Heart Collection™?
The Violet Heart Collection features pins, items and gifts designed for people facing a life changing event and to recognize that someone is experiencing a challenge or transition.

Violet Heart Pins
The Violet Heart cloisonné pin can be given to express heartfelt sympathies during challenging times, to acknowledge the courage of those facing a significant life challenge or to recognize a current or past challenge.

Both versions of the Violet Heart Pin have the quote describing the Violet Heart:

A simple way of revealing behind the smile,
inside a heart is crying.

Several other cloisonné pin are available. These pins measure between 5/8 and 7/8 of an inch and come attractively displayed on a 2 x 3 1/2 inch card and are available through PayPal for $5.99 plus 2.50 Shipping and Handling.

Find out more about the Violet Heart Collection at the Violet Heart website. To order see the Squidoo pages created for the Violet Heart Collection:

• The Violet Heart Collection
• The Violet Heart Collection on Squidoo
• The Violet Heart Collection on CafePress

Photo Source: Louise Docker. Violets. Royalty Free Use.

Identifying, Understanding and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU - Presentation on Docstoc

This lecture was prepared and given at the First Annual Perinatal Conference held by the March of Dimes Valley Division in Modesto California in November 2005.


Identifying, Understanding and Working with Grieving Parents in the NICU

I was one of the expert speakers present as a former NICU Parent and a Grief, Loss and Bereavement expert.

Todd Hochberg - Touching Souls with Bereavement Photography

As parents move through grief they also may struggle with holding on to memories and feelings about this short time with their baby, in the extreme some may wonder if their baby ever was.

Todd Hochberg

Bereavement Photography helps to ease the grief of losing a baby by documenting the presences of that child in their lives.

This video segment aired on the Chicago Tonight program on WTTW, PBS in Chicago showing how Todd Hochberg's stunning and intimate photographs help grieving families heal.



You can find out more about Bereavement Photography at the Squidoo Lens that I developed on the subject or by reading more of the posts on Bereavement Photography included on the NICU Parent Support Site.

• Creating Memories of a Dying Baby For Parents Through Photography
• Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep (Bereavement Photography) on NBC's Today Show

More:
Dyer K. 2007-8. Bereavement Photography. Squidoo.com

Comforting Moment: Take Life Moment by Moment

The more I understand grief and loss the more that I have come to realize that

On life's most difficult days
all that we can do
is simply take things
Moment by Moment.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS, FT

Taking life moment by moment is the best we can do or hope to do during difficult times or challenging times.

Image: Sanja Gjenero Wall Clock. Royalty Free Use.

TAKE CARE During Difficult Times

Figuring out what to do when faced with life's challenges can be very difficult. I have shared some tips for coping with loss from the Journey of Hearts site with a reminder to focus on the basics after a sudden loss.

TAKE CARE has been developed as an acronym to be used as a to reminder to focus on the basics following a loss, death or significant life changing.

• Time that is needed to survive the grief.
• Avoid alcohol and other medications.
• Keep to some routine or schedule.
• Eat a balanced diet, focusing on healthy foods and water.
  

• Converse with others, especially those that have ‘been there’ and 'survived that.'
• Artistic ways of coping – journaling, building, crafting, knitting and others.
• Rest and Sleep are important coping strategies.
• Exercise to reduce stress and improve mood.

This reminder to TAKE CARE covers most of the basics to focus on following a loss that I have been recommending to people for years in coping with loss.

Image Source: Modified from Deb Walker's Postit Note. Royalty Free Use.

Comforting Message: The Preemie Prayer

I found this preemie prayer, searching for prayers that would work for premature babies.

According to the blog entery, Preemie Prayer Revisited on her Preemies then Twins Blog by Sadye Spirit, this prayer was posted above the sinks where NICU Parents, families and staff scrubbed in at the Progressive NICU in the hospital her preemie twins stayed. The poem has brought many a NICU parent to tears.

The Preemie Prayer

Dear God, as you look down upon us,
We know that you might have to squint.
We're located here in the NICU
It's the nursery that we rent.

There are many alarms and sirens,
Connected to condos and flats.
The nurses tape our booties on,
And dress us in funny hats.

We have a lot in common;
All of us were in a hurry.
For many different reasons,
Our storks came a little early.

Some of us don't know why,
We bursted out from our bubbles.
We entered into this world,
Never meaning to cause any troubles.

Mommy and Daddy are worried sick
About the odds that we must beat.
Please God, help them to realize,
That seeing us grow is a treat.

Breath by breath, we'll learn to breathe.
Ounce by ounce we'll tip the scale.
We're like a boat in the ocean,
That knows not sink- only sail.

For we are living miracles,
Mommy and Daddy must simply believe,
That you have angels watching over us;
From the time we arrive, till the time we leave.

Author Unknown

If anyone knows the author of this poem, let me know so I can give him or her proper credits.



Another Preemie Prayer:
You can read another prayer for a Premature Baby at the Our Kids site. A short excerpt is below:

God bless the little child behind the plastic wall
For all he knows is the ringing of the bells and
the blurred images around him.
He has been taken from my womb without warning
and I long to hold him in my arms.

Author Unknown. Premature Baby Prayer. Our Kids.

This prayer is being republished on the anniversary of the day that my youngest was transferred to the higher level NICU.

Images:
Abcdz2000. Praying. Royalty Free Use.
Ensignmedia. Carissa Prayer. Morguefile Free License.

The Zaky - A Comforting Hand for Your NICU Baby

To this day one of the hardest things for me in having a NICU baby was not being able to stay with her and watch over her 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

We had a 2-year-old daughter who also needed our care and attention, so could visit for some time during the day, but had to leave her behind in the care of others in the ICN.

One of the best ideas that I have found for helping support a NICU baby and support the NICU parent is the Zaky ergodynamic hand pillow. The Zaky Infant Pillow is a way to simulate mother's or father's hand to provide comfort to your NICU baby when you are not able to do so.

Uses for the Zaky
By mimicking the shape, weight and touch of a human hand, the Zaky is able to provide comfort, support and a sense of security to NICU babies. The Zaky can also be used in the NICU to assist with positioning the babies (see image above).

The Zaky has been used to care for NICU Babies by mothers, fathers and family members, neonatologists, pediatricians, surgeons, obgyns, nurses, physical & occupational therapists, infant massage therapists, developmental specialists & ergonomists. The Zaky has been used in NICUs since 2001.

The Zaky
The Zaky is now available on Amazon in different hands and in different colors for you to get for your NICU Baby or give to your favorite NICU parent. Click on the image or the text link to learn more about the Zaky.

Right Handed Zaky

The Zaky Positioning Pillow - Right Hand

Left Handed Zaky

The Zaky Positioning Pillow - Left Hand

Pink Zaky

The Zaky Bonding Hand - Pink

Blue Zaky

The Zaky Bonding Hand - Blue

More on the Zaky
Dyer KA. The Zaky - A Bonding Hand from Zakeez inc. Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. Leave a Zaky hand with Your NICU Baby - Providing Comfort When You are Not There. July 2007. NICU Parent Support Blog.

More on Remembering out NICU Experience
Dyer KA. March 2008. An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. March 2008. Creating a Circle of Healing and Support. NICU Parent Support Blog.

Photo Source: Zakeez.