Encouraging Message: Live Each Moment Anew

Part of the reason for including encouraging messages as part of the NICU Parent Support Blog is because I have long been a believer in the power of words to help during difficult times. Encouraging words can be very helpful during challenging times. Words can be helpful in helping one cope with life's difficulties, because the words help us to shift and focus on something else that is positive.

British philosopher, Paul Brunton, who dedicating his life to an inward and spiritual quest offers these encouraging words about living each moment anew.

Every morning
is like a new reincarnation
into this world.

Let us take it then
for what it is
and live each moment anew.

Paul Brunton

Brunton's words of encouragement and hope can be very helpful for NICU parents struggling to make it through each day in the NICU, trying to put behind the bad days and focus on the good ones. This quote about remembering to live each moment, each new dawn anew can be helpful in getting through the challenging days and waking up to face the new day with a new start.

About Gratefulness.org
Gratefulness.org is a network for grateful living. They are an international nonprofit organization provides resources for living in the gentle power of gratefulness, which restores courage, reconciles relationships, and heals our Earth.

If you want a dose of gratefulness in your life, I would encourage you to sign up for their Word for the Day that comes daily via email. I have received their messages of encouragement and hope for years.

Image: Andris Kovács. Lake Sunrise. Royalty Free Use.

Encouraging Message: Trust Yourself.

The words from one of America's most beloved Pediatricians and author, Dr. Benjamin Spock helped to empower generations of parents. His book Baby and Child Care was published in 1946 and became one of the biggest best-sellers of all time.

Trust yourself.
You know more
than you think you do.

Dr. Benjamin Spock

His message, which was revolutionary for the time, provides encouragement for NICU parents even today.

"Trust yourself" is a very helpful reminder for parents and a gentle aid for parents during troubling time. His simple message "Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do" can even be used as helpful mantra for worried NICU parents.

Image: Armin Hanisch. I wanna hold your hand. Royalty Free Use.

9/10 - Encouraging & Comforting Message: Free Hugs Campaign

Today is Free Hugs Day. If you don't know about the inspirational Video that has become a YouTube Phenemonon take a look at the lens that I created on Squidoo.

In the the Spirit of the Free Hugs Campaign, I am passing along the information to you with a quote and a virtual hug to hopefully brighten up your day.

Millions and millions of years
would still not give me
half enough time
to describe
that tiny instant of all eternity
when you put
your arms around me
and I put my arms around you.

Jacques Prevert

Free Hug Day - September 10, 2007
The Free Hugs Campaign began as one person's attempt to make a difference and reach out to others to brighten their lives.

The Free Hug Campaign is a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better.

For More information on Free Hug Day, see the Free Hug Campaign on Squidoo.

Enjoy a Virtual Hug
Here's Your Online Hug:

((( Hug )))

Now go and pass it on to someone else.

Shifting to a Weekly Posting Schedule for the Fall
My apologies for the length between posts. The semester has started for my girls and myself, which has lead to some increased time demands.

I will be shifting to a schedule posting at least one blog entry each week along with updates about the NICU Parent Expo.

Photo Source: Peter Rol. Fenne Lien. Royalty Free Use.

8/15 - Encouraging Message - Learning from Challenges

I have always grown
from my problems and challenges.
From the things that don't work out,
that's when I've really learned.

Carol Burnett

Comedians often turn to comedy as a way of coping with their life challenges and hardships. Carol Burnett has faced many hardships and losses in her life, including the death of both a husband and a daughter.

I think as NICU Parents and as parents in general, we often wish that there weren't as many problems and challenges to learn from.

Many of us discover a strong internal sense of strength, for some a light, that helps to guide us through the difficult times.

Resources for Managing Your NICU Challenge:

• How Will I Survive the NICU? The Squidoo lens developed for helping NICU parents once the initial shock period is over.
• What does my baby's diagnosis mean? Several helpful articles on the most common problems faced by NICU babies. Some articles have additional links for even more information.
• How do I talk to the doctors and nurses? Several useful articles to help in talking to the doctors and nurses as well as figuring out what questions may be useful to ask.

Photo Source: Stefanie L. Breakthrough. Royalty Free Use.

8/13 - Comforting Message - Hope Makes the Present Moment Less Difficult

A simple message today from Thich Nhat Hanh:

Hope is important because
it can make the present moment
less difficult to bear.
If we believe
that tomorrow will be better,
We can bear a hardship today.

Thich Nhat Hanh

It is my hope that by providing you with information, resources and support on the NICU Parent Support site that you will find some hope, so that the present moment, the present situation you may be experiencing with your NICU baby will be easier to bear.

May you come to believe your tomorrow be better than today.

Other Resources on "Hope"
Dyer K. Asking Why and Finding Hope. June 17, 2007. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer K. Pitter Patter: A Message of Hope from a Former Preemie. June 9, 2007. NICU Parent Support Blog.

Photo Source: Alexander Abolinsh. ONE... TWO... FREEDOM!!! Royalty Free Use.

8/12 - Encouraging Moment - Riding the NICU Roller Coaster Ride

The NICU experience is often described by many parents as a roller coaster ride. It is a series of highs and lows, ups and down, times that are exhilarating, uplifting and exciting, followed by times when all you can do is close your eyes and hang on for dear life.

I think it is helpful for parents to realized that they are in for a series of ups and downs, hopefully more ups than downs during their NICU time.

Riding the NICU Roller coaster
This passage comes from Dianne I. Maroney, a NICU Nurse, NICU Parent and owner of the website premature-infant.com. She describes the Roller coaster ride of the NICU:

For years I had been telling parents,

"Having a baby in the NICU is a roller coaster ride."

Although accurate, the analogy pales beside the reality.

The range of emotions is beyond imagining.
There is the moment of joy
when she opens her eyes peacefully,
followed by panic at the slightest hint of trouble.

You can read more from her article on "Helping Parents Survive the Emotional "Roller Coaster Ride" in the Newborn Intensive Care Unit" published on the Prematurity.org site

Photo Credit: Peter Hamza. Rollercoaster. Royalty Free Use.

8/6 - Comforting Message - Overcoming the Pain and Suffering

Today's comforting quote comes from Helen Keller, a woman who was both deaf and blind, but overcame these obstacles to become a college graduate, author, lecturer and activist.

Although the world is full of suffering,

it is also full of the overcoming of it.

Helen Keller

When you are right in the midst of suffering and feeling intense pain, it may be difficult to believe that you will ever get beyond the suffering. For NICU Parents these moments can be overwhelming, disheartening and heart-breaking.

Seeing the Other Side
One way of helping to get through the suffering phase is to find someone who has made it through and seen the other side of the suffering and talk to them, to get a glimpse of the future.

Other NICU parents, the NICU nurses and Physicians who have been there and seen positive outcomes from the NICU can help provide valuable perspective whether it is a baby being eventually discharged to home, or if it is helping a family create memories and spend the last precious moments with their dying baby.

If you NICU is lucky enough to have a NICU Parent Pathfinder or someone designated to help get NICU parents oriented, be sure to use their resources.

Photo Source: Robbie Ribeiro. Nature's Force. Royalty Free Use.

7/29 - Encouraging Message - NICU Parents and Families are True Heros

...a hero is an ordinary individual
who finds the strength
to persevere and endure
in spite of overwhelming obstacles.

They are the real heroes,
and so are the families and friends
who have stood by them.

Christopher Reeve
1952 - 2004

NICU Parents are the Real Heroes
I think anyone who has lived through a NICU experience would agree that NICU Parents and their families are the real heroes. These are ordinary people who have been challenged with an extraordinary event (the sudden NICU hospitalization of a newborn) and yet despite this obstacle, somehow find the courage, the strength and the will to persevere despite the challenge.

Christopher Reeve - Superman, Super Human Being
Anyone who was around in 1978 remembers Christopher Reeve as Superman and the Super Hero.

At least for me, the image of Christopher Reeve as Superman is one that has been etched for me...particularly in light of the tragic riding accident in 1995 that left this talented actor and "Man of Steel" a ventilator-dependent quadriplegic for the last decade of his life.

Christopher Reeve's accident has always been a reminder to me that how life can change in just a flash of a moment, a blink of an eye. Everything is normal one moment and very different the next.

The Full Quote
Here is the text of the full quote and how his definition of hero change with time and with circumstances:

When the first Superman movie came out, I gave dozens of interviews to promote it. The most frequent question was: What is a hero? My answer was that a hero is someone who commits a courageous action without considering the consequences.

Now my definition is completely different. I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. They are the real heroes, and so are the families and friends who have stood by them.

Rising above Tragedy to Focus on Living
I remember being so amazed at how Christopher and Dana Reeve were both able to quickly rise above their family tragedy and focus on the positive. Their grace and great courage in the face of adversity has always been a source of inspiration for me.

The Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation is an example of one of the many organizations that has formed as a result of a tragic event and gone on to do so much to help so many.

I think another one of his quotes summarizes how he was able to keep on living despite experiencing such a life changing event:

There will be ups and there will be downs,
there will be times when things make sense,
there will be times when they won't,
but you'll always be on an adventure of meaning
if you live for self, family, and others.

These words of wisdom also apply to anyone facing a challenge. I hope that NICU Parents and families will find them to be as inspirational in facing challenging times and I do.

Other Related Blog Posts:
Dyer KA. Comforting Message - Struggling for Your Dreams. July 23, 2007.
Source:
Christopher and Dana Reeve. About Us. Christopher and Dana Reeve Foundation.

Photo Source: Erica Johnson. Superman Pillow. Royalty Free Use.

The Distress of the NICU Parent - Each Person Only Knows His or Her Own Pain

There is an expression about not judging a person unless you have walked a mile in his or her shoes. I think this is much the same when trying to understand the grief and pain felt by a NICU parent when trying to make the best decisions for their NICU baby.

Today, Anesthsioboist "T" shares her views on the Limits of Viability in her blog.

I wish people wouldn't pass judgment on parents who ask for everything possible to be done to save their children.

I wish people wouldn't pass judgment on parents who ask that their children be left in peace if resuscitation appears futile.

"T" reflects on a one of her very difficult experiences as a medical student and a more postive experience as an Intern and Mother with her own daughter. She cautions that the first story may elicit a strong reaction from some. (I would caution parents before reading the first part that "T's" reflections are more geared for professionals, who must deal daily with difficult life and death situations.)

NICU Parents experience a wide range of distresses. Many want absolutely everything done to save their child. Others are able to help their child let their child go if care appears to be futile. It may be difficult for people to understand either of these points of views.

After reading T's post, a quote from Paulo Coelho comes to mind:

We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation.

It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.

Paulo Coelho

Other Ethical Sources:
Carter BS. Ethical Issues in Neonatal Care. eMedicine. Available at: http://www.emedicine.com/PED/topic2767.htm
Dyer KA. NICU from the Nurse's Perspective.
http://nicuparentsupport.blogspot.com/2007/07/nicu-from-nurses-perspective-when.html

Sources:
T. The Limits of Viability. July 17, 2007.
http://anesthesioboist.blogspot.com/2007/07/limits-of-viability.html

7/15 - Encouraging Message - Believe and Follow Your Aspirations

For NICU parents, trying to keep on believing and hoping that your NICU baby will be fine can be difficult. Lousia May Alcott's quote is a beautiful reminder to follow your highest hopes for your baby.

Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.

I may not reach them

but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them,

and try to follow them.

Louisa May Alcott

Photo Source: Manoel Silva. Clouds. Royalty Free Use

7/2 - Comforting Message - From a NICU Nurse - You're in the Best Hands

Today's comforting words come from an article written by Chris Colin, for the San Francisco Chronicle, a profile on the life of several ICN nurses from UCSF's ICN (Intensive Care Nursery).

In the article, Joni McGovern, a 12-year NICU Nurse at UCSF's Intensive Care Unit offered some words of encouragement for NICU or ICN parents.

Having a baby in the ICN can definitely be a nightmare. This was not in the parents' birth plan.
But once you're here, you're in the best hands.

Source:
Colin C. ON THE JOB: Saving babies: It's not a TV show but these nurses' jobs actually are life-or-death. SF Gate. July 2, 2007. Available at: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2007/07/02/onthejob.DTL

Photo Source: Mario Alberto Magallanes Trejo. Contact. Royalty Free Use.

6/25 - Comforting Message - Living on in the Hearts

During times of loss, often a simple message can be the most meaningful and comforting.

This week's comforting message is one of the simple quotes that I have found to be very meaningful and comforting over the years during times of loss.

To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die. Thomas Campbell

To realize the impact of this quote, take a moment to think about

How many people have you known in your life that still live on in your own heart and in your memories?

Photo Credit: Janet Goulden. Two Hearts. Royalty Free Use.

6/18 - Comforting Moment - All that You Deeply Love

A simple comforting thought:

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we deeply love becomes a part of us. Helen Keller

Photo Source: Soňa Psotová. Intimate. . Royalty Free Use.

6/17 - Weekly Encouraging Message - Asking Why and Finding Hope

Former President of the Czech Republic, Writer and Dramatist, Václav Havel once wrote:

Hope ... is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out.

Václav Havel (1936 - )

Asking Why?
For Parents having their newborn admitted to the Neonatal Intensive Care can leave them struggling to make sense of it all, wondering "Why?" and "What did I do to make this happen?" and to try and find some hope in what may appear to be a hopeless situation.

When coping with our NICU adventure, my husband and I purposefully did not spent much time dwelling on the "Why?" especially when it became apparent that there would be no definitive medical answer. Instead we chose to focus on "How do we go on living as meaningful a life as possible, now that our life has been forever changed?"

We realized that asking "Why" may be disruptive and even counter-productive. Letting go of the "Why’s" can be extremely beneficial to the integrating the loss into our lives and restoring peace after a crisis.

Finding Hope
Over time NICU parents adjust to the disruption of their initial dreams for their child. Many discover an internal core of strength as they make sense of or find personal meaning in the loss.

It has taken many years to get to the point where we can now see the hope that we had at the time, that she would be "healthy and strong" and things would turn out alright has come into play. We can now see in hindsight how our lives have shifted and things now make sense after our daughter's NICU experience.

Our lives would be very different had we not gone through the experience, but even more so, had she not survived.

Here is hoping that your experience will make sense...regardless of how it turns out.

6/10 - Weekly Encouraging Message - Laughter

My daughters are both big fans of Peter Pan, Tinker Bell and all of her fairy friends.

This week's EM (Encouraging Message) comes from the author and creator of Peter Pan:

When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.

James Matthew Barrie (1860-1937)

Scottish Dramatist and Novelist

Wishing you magical moments of mirth and merriment with your newborn.

Photo Credit: Becky Szmutko. Laughing Fairy. Used with Permission.

6/4 - Comforting Moment - Information Helps During Times of Loss

For many parents the loss of a baby is among the highest levels of loss, if not the highest.

While little can assuage the difficult and forgotten grief surrounding stillbirth and neonatal death, information can be helpful regarding the normal feelings and experiences which leave parents in an emotional and spiritual wilderness.

Dr. Elizabeth K. Best

While information cannot take away the intense pain and sorrow you are feeling, getting informed and reading useful resources can help parents to understand the physical and emotional responses and find ways of managing these responses.

Information can also help parents find suggestions and resources that others who have been in similar situations have found to be helpful during their own time of loss.

6/3 - Weekly Encouraging Message - Coping with Life

This week's Encouraging Message is a reminder of just how much we learn about life from our children.

Parents learn a lot
from their children
about coping with life.

Muriel Spark (1918-2006)
Scottish Novelist

I thought I was an expert on being in the hospital and dealing with crises, but my daughter's unexpected NICU admission taught me many new things and gave me invaluable insights about being in the hospital--from the family's perspective.

You can read some of these "Lessons Learned from Crisis" that I learned in the article that written soon after my experiences.

May you enjoy learning from your children.

Image: Stef Komen. Flower in Hand. Royalty Free Use.

5/28 - Comforting Moment for NICU Parents - Loss of an Infant

As mentioned yesterday in the introduction to the Weekly Encouraging Messages, I am a great believer in the power of words to help those facing challenging times or a life crisis. I believe that:

Sometimes, it seems that all you need is the right quote, poem or inspirational message at the right moment to help provide perspective, insight and aid in surviving a life crisis.

...it can be helpful to read the words from others who have been there and survived.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS
Journey of Hearts

Comforting Moments for NICU Parents
In addition to the Weekly Encouraging Messages, the NICU Parent Support Blog will also be featuring Weekly Comforting Moments for those NICU parents who are facing the end of their baby's life, or living on after their baby has died.

The comforting moments are designed to be short quotes for parents whose babies will die, are dying, have died that can be read quickly and hopefully bring a bit of comfort during this time of challenge.

---

Words of Sympathy to Console During This Time of Loss

Those who have lost an infant are never, as it were, without an infant child. Their other children grow up to manhood and womanhood, and suffer all the changes of mortality; but this one alone is rendered an immortal child; for death has arrested it with his kindly harshness, and blessed it into an eternal image of youth and innocence.

James Henry Leigh Hunt

Photo Credit: Gary Cowles. Rock Poem. Royalty Free Use.

5/27 - Weekly Encouraging Message - Newborn Babies

I am a great believer in the power of words and have long felt based on my experiences dealing with people facing challenging events or a life crisis that:

Sometimes, it seems that all you need is the right quote, poem or inspirational message at the right moment to help provide perspective, insight and aid in surviving a life crisis.

...it can be helpful to read the words from others who have been there and survived.

Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS
Journey of Hearts

NICU Parent Support Blog will be featuring Weekly Encouraging Messages or EM's to encourage NICU parents in finding hope and gaining perspective while facing their life challenge.

____________________________________________________________

This week's EM (Encouraging Message) is one of my favorite quotes about babies from Carl Sandburg:

A baby is God's opinion that life should go on.

Never will a time come when the most marvelous recent invention is as marvelous as a newborn baby. The finest of our precision watches, the most super-colossal of our supercargo planes don't compare with a newborn baby in the number and ingenuity of coils and springs, in the flow and change of chemical solutions, in timing devises and interrelated parts that are irreplaceable.

Carl Sandburg (1878-1967)
American Poet

May you enjoy your marvelous invention.