Grief in the NICU - A New Presentation

Yesterday I had the privileged of presenting the following teleconference as part of the "Managing the Spectrum of Maternal Mental Health Issues from Conception through the Neonatal Experience" at the HHC Perinatal Conference held at Jacobi Medical Center.

I was told that more than 200 Neonatal Providers were present from 11 NICU hospitals.

Grief in the NICU: Identifying, Understanding and Helping Grieving Parents

Being able to give this presentation was particularly fitting because 7 years ago on the 31st was the day that my youngest was transferred to the level IV ICN.

Knowing that I had the ears of NICU personnel from 11 hospitals helps to complete a circle for me...taking our experiences and teaching about them to NICU personnel.

The Zaky - A Comforting Hand for Your NICU Baby

To this day one of the hardest things for me in having a NICU baby was not being able to stay with her and watch over her 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

We had a 2-year-old daughter who also needed our care and attention, so could visit for some time during the day, but had to leave her behind in the care of others in the ICN.

One of the best ideas that I have found for helping support a NICU baby and support the NICU parent is the Zaky ergodynamic hand pillow. The Zaky Infant Pillow is a way to simulate mother's or father's hand to provide comfort to your NICU baby when you are not able to do so.

Uses for the Zaky
By mimicking the shape, weight and touch of a human hand, the Zaky is able to provide comfort, support and a sense of security to NICU babies. The Zaky can also be used in the NICU to assist with positioning the babies (see image above).

The Zaky has been used to care for NICU Babies by mothers, fathers and family members, neonatologists, pediatricians, surgeons, obgyns, nurses, physical & occupational therapists, infant massage therapists, developmental specialists & ergonomists. The Zaky has been used in NICUs since 2001.

The Zaky
The Zaky is now available on Amazon in different hands and in different colors for you to get for your NICU Baby or give to your favorite NICU parent. Click on the image or the text link to learn more about the Zaky.

Right Handed Zaky

The Zaky Positioning Pillow - Right Hand

Left Handed Zaky

The Zaky Positioning Pillow - Left Hand

Pink Zaky

The Zaky Bonding Hand - Pink

Blue Zaky

The Zaky Bonding Hand - Blue

More on the Zaky
Dyer KA. The Zaky - A Bonding Hand from Zakeez inc. Squidoo.com
Dyer KA. Leave a Zaky hand with Your NICU Baby - Providing Comfort When You are Not There. July 2007. NICU Parent Support Blog.

More on Remembering out NICU Experience
Dyer KA. March 2008. An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery. NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. March 2008. Creating a Circle of Healing and Support. NICU Parent Support Blog.

Photo Source: Zakeez.

Creating a Circle of Healing and Support

I have long held the belief, both personally and professionally, that there is a healing power in holding a person in one's thoughts whether you are saying prayers or giving blessings or lighting candles. This belief in holding a person in your thoughts are the same beliefs echoed by Dr. Jim Reeves, the urologist who treated Cancer Survivor, Lance Armstrong.

There is an ancient Chinese belief
that when a person is held
in the hearts and minds and souls
of so many other people,
they can do better.

One of the greatest difficulties for me as a NICU parent, who was also used to being a physician, was the overwhelming feeling that there wasn't anything I could do for my daughter. I had to step back and turn over all of the care to those who understood the NICU technology and could help her medically to heal.

I decided to change my feeling of helplessness by taking a more active role in her care. We created a Circle of Healing to have friends and family hold her 'in their hearts and minds and souls...so she could do better.'

Our Circle of Healing for My Youngest Daughter
Within days after the birth of my youngest daughter and her unexpected NICU admission, thanks to the connection power of the Internet, we were able to quickly contact friends and family to notify them of what had happened.

On Easter morning, our newborn daughter was included on several prayer lists and prayer circles, only two days after her birth. Via phone calls and e-mail messages we tapped into the healing powers to create a circle of positive thoughts and energies from friends and family around the United States and around the world. We asked everyone to hold our daughter in their thoughts, to keep positive thoughts and prayers to mentally aid in her healing process and strengthen the Circle of Healing around her.

I truly believe that having so many people hold our daughter in their hearts, minds and souls, mentally aided in her healing process. We were blessed with the outcome. The Circle of Healing we created for her helped keep her safe and protected until she was strong enough to be discharged from the hospital.

Continuing the Circle of Healing
Rev. Schwing (see prior post) was the start of the Circle of Healing that we created starting on Easter Sunday Morning for my youngest daughter Kristiina while she was in the NICU.

Writing this article, I wondered who would be there if our baby had a health crisis? I don’t know. I trust that the Circle of Healing would be there. Sometimes we are on the giving end, sometimes on the receiving end. That’s what keeps the circle going.

The nurses at UCSF continued Kristiina's Circle of Healing by hanging a blessing that we wrote for her above her isolette. You can read a copy of the blessing that we wrote for her posted on the Journey of Hearts Website as A Healing Blessing. Part of the blessing is included below.

Ironically, Rev. Schwing would experience being a NICU parent several years later with the birth of his second child. The Circle of Healing was there during his challenging time in the NICU.

My Wish for Current NICU Parents
For this Easter season, as I am reminded of our own NICU experiences, I would like to extend the following wish for NICU and ICN parents who currently have their newborns in the hospital.

May you continue to heal

moment by moment
hour by hour
day by day
knowing that so many love you
and wait to welcome you.

May you feel loved.
May you be safe.
May you be protected.
May you be strong.
May you be healed.

May you find healing, in whatever form that healing might take.

Our Easter Gift
This Special Healing Blessing comes as a bonus when you download the Free NICU eBook, For Those Who Hold the Littlest Hands.

More Resources:
Dyer KA. An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery NICU Parent Support Blog.
Dyer KA. Circle of Healing - Cloisonné Lapel Pin. The Violet Heart Collection on Squidoo.
Dyer KA. 2002. A Healing Blessing. Journey of Hearts.

An Easter Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery

With the Easter Season on us very soon, I am reminded of our Easter adventure many years ago with my youngest daughter.

I recently rediscovered Rev. Jurgen Schwing's publication of our ICN/NICU Story as an example of a Healing Blessing used at the beginning of life.

Jurgen tells of our ICN/NICU adventures from the perspective of the Chaplain on call. He is the one that was asked to wake up in the middle of the night to come into the hospital. (Ironically, Rev. Schwing would experience being a NICU parent several years later with the birth of his second child.)

You can read more of Rev. Schwing's "Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery" at the Chaplaincy Institute website.

Healing Blessing
Even though we weren't very religious, when the decision was made to transfer Kristiina to another hospital for higher level of care, we wanted her blessed before going. She was born on Good Friday and was going to be transferred on Easter Morning. We were hoping her name would be good karma.

Rev. Schwing came up with a beautiful blessing for Kristiina:

Little Kristiina,

I bless you and ask that God may heal you.

May the One who formed you in your mother's womb blow divine breath through your lungs so that you can breathe the breath of life.

May your heart beat and your blood circulate and bring you Divine love and light, may you know that you are loved and wanted, and may you find deep inside of you a call to survive, to live, to thrive.

May the God who formed you in the depths of the earth give you many days & years of life.

May you grow up and become all you were meant to be.

I bless this woman and this man, your parents, Kirsti and Cole.

May God's hand be on your shoulders and relieve your fears.

May the One whose knowledge is so vast be the light on your journey.

May you be given the love and strength to bring your daughter through this difficult time,

and may you watch her grow up, proud and filled with knowing what a miracle she is.

More on our Easter NICU Experience later next week...

More:
Schwing J. Healing Blessing in the Intensive Care Nursery. Chaplaincy Institute website.
Dyer KA. Observing Mother’s Day with Renewed Appreciation. Journey of Hearts.
Dyer KA. Observing Mother's Day with Renewed Appreciation. MomMd.com

Big Near-Term and Sick Newborns are the Majority of the NICU Admissions

Even though people associate the (NICU) Neonatal Intensive Care Unit with premature babies, near-term babies, the fact is that those babies who are closer to term (40 weeks) are often the ones most frequently admitted.

We get this all the time when I mention my daughter was in the NICU. "Oh, she was a preemie?" "No. She was a Sick Newborn."

Definitions

Near-term infant - a newborn closer to term (40 weeks), often between 34 and 36 weeks or born roughly four or five weeks before his or her estimated due date.

Late preterm infant - Near-term infant

Premature baby - a newborn born before 34 weeks

Sick Newborn - Newborns that are near term or term infants who require Intensive Care intervention for a variety of problems or diseases.

Some near-term or sick newborns experience complications from oxygen deprivation during delivery or wet lungs after a Cesarean section.

Big NICU Babies
According to an article on near-term babies, Dr. Kenneth Herrman, neonatologist and medical director of newborn services at Deaconess Women's Hospital at Riley Hospital for Children in Evansville, IL:

The big babies, closer to term, are the majority, and they stay for the shortest amount of time.

If you would walk through the nursery on any particular day, you would have the impression the NICU is filled with premature babies because they stay a disproportionately longer amount of time.

Our daughter was not a preemie, she was a sick newborn diagnosed with PPHN, or Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of the Newborn. She required supportive ventilation on a respirator because of high pressure in the lungs and ended up in the NICU.

Combing the Internet for Resources on Sick Newborns
It took me several days after our daughter was hospitalize in the NICU to find online resources for parents of sick newborns since most of the online resources, organizations and online groups are for parents of preemies. This was extremely frustrating for someone used to finding information quickly online.

Thankfully I stumble upon the helpful resources about Sick Newborns written by neonatologist, Dr. Jane E. Brazy and her colleagues at the University of Wisconsin. Over the years, these resources for Sick Newborns are ones that I continue to refer to for my NICU articles. The excellent resources are now being hosted by Meriter Health Services.

Sources
Keeling L. Near-term babies at the NICU suffer from deceptive weakness. June 11, 2007. Evansville Courier & Press.
Rubin R. 'Near-term' unease grows. USA Today. October 9, 2005.
Brazy JE. et. al. Sick Newborn Health. Meriter Health Services.

Image:
Matt & Janet Dustin. All her machines at the NICU. Creative Commons License.