10/22 - Comforting Moment: Just Smile

Charlie Chaplin came up with a simple strategy for how to survive those most difficult of days...just smile. This is a good song to listen to on those days when everything seems to be filled with sadness as a way of believing that things will get better.

Josh Groban is one of my favorite singers. I have been fortunate to see him three times in concert, the last time with my daughters, young Josh Groban fans at ages 7 and 5.

Josh Groban's rendition of the classic song "Smile" will remind you to keep smiling. I would have had this available for me to listen to on an iPod, during our NICU days, if iPods existed then.



Smile Song Lyrics

Lyrics by John Turner and Geoffrey Parsons.
Music written by Charlie Chaplin, 1936.

Smile though your heart is aching;
Smile even though it's breaking.
When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by.
If you smile through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You'll see the sun come shining through for you.

Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness.
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile,
If you just smile.

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile, what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

Even if you are feeling a bit blue, you may find yourself starting to ask yourself:

...what's the use of crying?
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile.

More:
Dyer KA. Smile Thought Your Heart is Aching. Squidoo.com

Image Source: Michael Bretherton. Sand Stuff. Royalty Free Use.

10/8 - Comforting Moment - We Never Lose the People We Love

Facing the loss of a baby is one of the most difficult challenges that NICU Parents can face. I have found with the many years of working in the grief, loss and bereavement field, that often times hearing or reading words of wisdom from someone else can help to console during a time of great loss.

One of my favorite quotes to help put a death in perspective comes from Dr. Leo Buscaglia:

I know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make.

Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love.

Leo Buscaglia

While words cannot take away the intense pain and sorrow you are feeling, these words that others have found to be helpful during their times of loss may help to ease the pain, by helping you "find comfort in knowing that your lives have been enriched" and that you have been forever imprinted by knowing your baby.

Photo Source: Sanja Gjenero. Heart in Sand. Royalty Free Use.

Creatively Coping: Write a Prayer Poem

While I was in medical school, residency and clinical practice I wrote and used poetry to help friends, family, patients and colleagues deal with the pain from losses and aid in their grieving.

Poetry Therapy aided my own healing. I then shared my poems with others to help with theirs.

Poetry was an integral part of the healing portion of the Journey of Hearts website established to help anyone grieving a loss. Over the years my healing poems have been used as part of funeral, memorial and remembrance services, published as memorials in newspapers and yearbooks and sent as e-mail condolences.

I was fortunate enough 10 years ago to take a course with Poetry Therapist, John Fox on "Forming Community and Revealing Uniqueness Through Poem-Making" as a course from the National Foundation of Integrative Medicine.

John has gone on to become a leader in the movement of poetry therapy as an expressive art and in particular, the use of poetry in medicine. When I read this exercise on using Prayer Poems, I knew it could be a useful exercise to help NICU Parents cope with the NICU experience.

Write a Prayer Poem
John starts with a definition of prayer and writes that:

Prayer is a way to communicate with the Divine. Prayer [also] is a way to love the spirit of whatever is dear to you. Prayer is a way to let your heart cry out. Prayer is a way to come exactly as you are to the Unknown, the mystery of it all. Bring to your prayer what is raw, what is sublime.

Prayer is a way to welcome a wider vision of life for you.

He then goes on to pose a series of questions, starting with a poetic line, "Prayer is words strung like beads on the thread of your silence."

• Are you aware of the silence that your prayer words join with?
  
• What fertile silence do you long to enter?
  
• How does this kind of silence effect your world?
• How does divine guidance respond to your plea for help?
  
• Who reaches your heart in those times when no one else can?
  

Finally John encourages people to write a prayer of your own.

This exercise of writing a Prayer Poem could be useful ones for NICU Parents struggling with issues of faith and they try to understand the reasons behind why their newborn is in the Intensive Care Unit.

A Special Healing Blessing
Even though John and I were not in touch at the time of my daughter's NICU adventures, I am sure that his exercise of Prayer Poems would have been a helpful way for me to creatively coping during our time in the NICU.

On my own I did created our own version of a Prayer Poem by writing a Healing Blessing. This Special Healing Blessing was placed over our daughters isolette until she was discharged. Copies were gifted to the NICU on her discharge.

Source:
Fox. J. Poetic Medicine Bag: Exercise 3: Prayer Poems. The Institute for Poetic Medicine.

Images: Elena Buetler. Writing. Royalty Free Use.
Kirsti A. Dyer MD, MS. NICU Blessing. Some Rights Reserved.

Comforting Moment: Savoring a Cup of Tea

We've already looked at the fact that Coffee helps in any Crisis. Let's take a look at the comforting impact of a different variant of coffee, a latte or even tea.

This Comforting Moment is another one by Liz Elayne discovered on her Seek Gratitude Blog. This really resonated with me, since one of my favorite teas to drink is a Chai Tea.

taking a break
to breathe in
the scents of
a spiced chai latte…

to breathe,
to breathe,
to breathe.

Source
Liz Elayne Lamoreaux. Day 30. Seek Gratitude Blog.

Image: Nicolas Véron. Cup of Coffee. Royalty Free Use.

CarePages - Connect, Share, Care

NICU Parent Support has paired up with CarePages to give our viewers their own place online to create a page to connect, share and care during challenging times. Visit the custom NICU Parent Support CarePages to get started.

What is a CarePage?
A CarePage is a personal, private web page that can be used by family and friends to stay connected and enhance communication when a loved one is facing a long-term illness or at the end of life.

Using a Care Page
Creating a CarePage can be a way of generating support, providing information and updates easily. I think the greatest benefit may be that of holding the loved one in everyone's thoughts so they can do better and get healthy, or feel the love and support of family at the end of life.

You can use our custom NICU Parent Support CarePages to keep family connected when a loved one is facing a challenging illness, or at the end of life.

For More Information

• NICU Parent Support CarePages
  
• Squidoo Lens on CarePages

9/10 - Encouraging & Comforting Message: Free Hugs Campaign

Today is Free Hugs Day. If you don't know about the inspirational Video that has become a YouTube Phenemonon take a look at the lens that I created on Squidoo.

In the the Spirit of the Free Hugs Campaign, I am passing along the information to you with a quote and a virtual hug to hopefully brighten up your day.

Millions and millions of years
would still not give me
half enough time
to describe
that tiny instant of all eternity
when you put
your arms around me
and I put my arms around you.

Jacques Prevert

Free Hug Day - September 10, 2007
The Free Hugs Campaign began as one person's attempt to make a difference and reach out to others to brighten their lives.

The Free Hug Campaign is a random act of kindness, a selfless act performed by a person for the sole reason of making others feel better.

For More information on Free Hug Day, see the Free Hug Campaign on Squidoo.

Enjoy a Virtual Hug
Here's Your Online Hug:

((( Hug )))

Now go and pass it on to someone else.

Shifting to a Weekly Posting Schedule for the Fall
My apologies for the length between posts. The semester has started for my girls and myself, which has lead to some increased time demands.

I will be shifting to a schedule posting at least one blog entry each week along with updates about the NICU Parent Expo.

Photo Source: Peter Rol. Fenne Lien. Royalty Free Use.

8/26 - Encouraging Message - Believe and Follow Your Aspirations

This message of encouragement comes from Lousia May Alcott, author of "Little Women" a reminder to believe in our highest aspirations.

Far away there in the sunshine
are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them
but I can look up
and see their beauty,
believe in them,
and try to follow them.

Louisa May Alcott

As a parent, we hold the highest aspirations for our child(ren) and dream of their beautiful future. This message of encouragement is a helpful one to remember and to hang on to during the times when it may be difficult to believe.

Keep looking up, keep believing and keep following those dreams.

Photo Source: Manoel Silva. Clouds. Royalty Free Use.

Creatively Coping: Fabric Keepsake Memory Envelope

Newborns in Need, an charity organization that serves the needs of newborns and Laurie Anderson of Southern Stitches and offer another beautiful, healing idea for NICU Parents who have lost a newborn.

Fabric Memory Envelopes are keepsakes given to the grieving family after the loss of their baby.

These keepsake envelope, lovingly stitched by generous hearts gives the family something they will always have as a part of their baby.

Smaller Memory Envelopes are used with to hold all of the precious keepsakes that the mother and baby received while in the hospital.

The version used by the Columbia Chapter of Threads of Love includes a Recognition of Life Certificate where a picture of the baby can be included if desired. A special prayer is included for the family on the certificate.

With larger Memory Envelopes NICU staff can tuck inside the clothing that the baby had worn, the memory blanket the mother had held the baby in, a photograph of the baby, the birth certificate or even a lock of the baby’s hair.

A Fabric Memory Envelope is a heart-felt way to help Grieving NICU Parents cope with the loss of a child. Creative family and friends may want to craft their own special Keepsake Envelopes as a memorable gift to a bereaved NICU parent.

Note:
The Southern Stitches preemie patterns are to be used only for charity sewing for preemies, no sales are allowed. The designs and instructions themselves are copyrighted and all rights remain with Laurie Anderson/Southern Stitches.

The Newborns in Need Sewing patterns have been provided by Newborns in Need volunteers. While you may use them for charitable purposes, please respect copyright laws and do not sell these patterns or items made from these patterns. They are intended to be made and given free of charge to needy babies and their families.

Remember these designs are for charity use only. No sales are allowed.

Pattern Sources:
Anderson L. Fabric Memory Envelope. Threads of Love. Southern Stitches.
Recognition of Life Certificate. Threads of Love. Columbia, TN Chapter.
Eldridge P. Memory Envelope Version 1. Newborns in Need.
Thor R. Memory Envelope Version 2. Newborns in Need.
Vanspeybroeck A. Memory Envelope Version 3. Newborns in Need.